Supporting Children in Self-Regulation: A Comprehensive Guide

As adults, we often feel or become dysregulated. When this happens, we might find the words or support to help settle ourselves. However, children around us might lack the skills or language to begin their own self-regulation. This article explores how to support them on their journey to learn.

Recognizing and Responding to Emotional Needs

Step 1: Recognize the Signs

• What to Do: Pay attention to physical and emotional cues—like a racing heart, clenched fists, or feelings of being overwhelmed.

• Why It Helps: Recognizing these signs early allows you to intervene before emotions escalate.

  
  

Step 2: Pause and Breathe

• What to Do: Stop what you’re doing and take 3–5 deep breaths. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and exhale for 6 seconds.

• Why It Helps: Deep breathing calms your nervous system and gives you time to think.

  
  

Step 3: Name the Feeling

• What to Do: Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Use descriptive words like angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious.

• Why It Helps: Naming your emotions makes them feel less overwhelming and helps you figure out what to do next.

  
  

Step 4: Use a Coping Strategy

• What to Do: Choose a strategy that works best for you. Some examples include:

- Counting to 10 slowly.

- Squeezing a stress ball or fidgeting with an object.

- Writing down what’s bothering you.

- Taking a quick walk to release energy.

• Why It Helps: Coping tools can distract you, release energy, or help you think more clearly.

  
  

Step 5: Reflect or Problem-Solve

• What to Do: After calming down, consider:

- “What triggered this emotion?”

- “What can I do differently next time?”

- If needed, talk to a trusted adult for assistance in solving the problem.

• Why It Helps: Reflecting on your feelings helps you learn from the situation. This prepares you for better handling in the future.

  
  

Building a Self-Regulation Toolkit for Children

Also, just in case you are wondering how to build your self-regulation toolkit, here are some various ideas.

Handheld Fidgets

Handheld fidgets help create movement, centering focus during moments of decompression. Here are some options:

1. Fidget Spinners – Small, soothing spinning toys.

2. Fidget Cubes – Cubes equipped with buttons, switches, and clickers.

3. Tangle Toys – Interconnected plastic pieces that twist and turn.

4. Worry Stones – Smooth stones designed for thumb rubbing.

5. Flippy Chains – Small metal rings linked together for flipping and twisting.

6. Marble in Mesh – A fabric tube enclosing a marble for back-and-forth pushing.

   
   

Sensory Fidgets

Sensory fidgets provide input through touch, smell, or sound. Consider these:

1. Putty or Slime – Manipulate squishy material to release tension.

2. Pop It Toys – Silicone toys with bubble-like buttons for pressing in and out.

3. Foam Squishies – Foam toys that return to shape after squeezing.

4. Magnetic Balls or Shapes – Small magnets for building shapes.

5. Water Bead Stress Balls – Squishy balls filled with water beads, offering unique texture.

   
   

Movement-Based Fidgets

Movement-based fidgets encourage physical activity. Here are choices:

1. Fidget Rings – Spinner rings or rings with rolling beads for discreet fidgeting.

2. Fidget Bracelets – Wearable bands with textures or beads.

3. Chair Bands – Elastic bands across chair legs for bouncing or pushing.

4. Fidget Sticks – Small sticks that wobble during play.

   
   

Creative or DIY Fidgets

DIY fidgets allow creativity in self-regulation. Options include:

1. Pipe Cleaners – Bend and twist into various shapes.

2. Velcro Strips – Attach to desks for tactile feedback.

3. Paperclips or Binder Clips – Open and close to keep hands busy.

4. Beaded Keychains – String beads for a hands-on activity.

5. Rubber Bands – Stretch and twist into different forms.

   
   

Tips for Choosing a Fidget Toy

• Discreetness: Choose quiet options for class or public settings.

• Sensory Need: Pick based on texture, movement, or feedback you enjoy.

• Portability: Smaller toys are easier to carry and use anywhere.

  
  

Encouraging Engagement and Independence

It's essential to involve your child in this process:

1. Create Together: Have them assist in creating their preferred list of fidgets. This empowers them and builds investment in their self-regulation.

2. Designate a Space: Create a specific area for your child to ground themselves.

3. Practice Techniques: Introduce calming exercises weekly. This will strengthen their skills when they don't have their usual resources.

4. "Woo-Sah" To-Go Bag: Consider assembling a portable bag with self-regulation tools for use outside the home.

   
   

By incorporating these strategies, you can effectively support children as they develop essential self-regulation skills.

The importance of fostering independence in coping can lead to significant benefits in a child's emotional well-being.