How To Handle Your Emotions Before They Handle You

As adults, we often can feel or become dysregulated. When that happens, sometimes we can find the words or support to help settle ourselves. However, our children or the children we are around do not have the skills or language to begin their self-regulation, but here is how to possibly support them on their journey to learn.

Step 1: Recognize the Signs

• What to Do: Pay attention to physical and emotional cues—like a racing heart, clenched fists, or feeling overwhelmed.

• Why It Helps: Recognizing these signs early can help you take control before emotions escalate.

  
  

Step 2: Pause and Breathe

• What to Do: Stop what you’re doing and take 3–5 deep breaths. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and exhale for 6 seconds.

• Why It Helps: Deep breathing calms your nervous system and gives you time to think.

  
  

Step 3: Name the Feeling

• What to Do: Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Use words like angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious.

• Why It Helps: Naming your emotions makes them feel less overwhelming and helps you figure out what to do next.

  
  

Step 4: Use a Coping Strategy

• What to Do: Choose a strategy that works best for you. Some examples include:

  • Counting to 10 slowly.

  • Squeezing a stress ball or fidgeting with an object.

  • Writing down what’s bothering you.

  • Taking a quick walk to release energy.

• Why It Helps: Coping tools can distract you, release energy, or help you think more clearly.

  
  

Step 5: Reflect or Problem-Solve

• What to Do: After calming down, ask yourself:

  • “What triggered this emotion?”

  • “What can I do differently next time?”

  • If needed, talk to a trusted adult for help solving the problem.

• Why It Helps: Reflecting helps you learn from the situation and prepares you to handle it better in the future.

  
  

Also, just in case you are wondering how to build your self-regulation tool kit, here are some various ideas.

Handheld Fidgets (creates movement to center/focus on as they decompress on a small scale)

1. Fidget Spinners – Small spinning toys that are soothing to spin.

2. Fidget Cubes – Cubes with buttons, switches, dials, and clickers on different sides.

3. Tangle Toys – Interconnected plastic pieces that twist and turn into different shapes.

4. Worry Stones – Smooth stones with a groove for rubbing with your thumb.

5. Flippy Chains – Small metal rings linked together that you can flip and twist.

6. Marble in Mesh – A fabric tube with a marble inside that you can push back and forth.

   
   

Sensory Fidgets (gives input such as touch, smell, and/or sound)

7. Putty or Slime – Manipulate squishy putty or slime to release tension.

8. Pop It Toys – Silicone toys with bubble-like buttons you can press in and out.

9. Foam Squishies – Foam toys that slowly return to their original shape after being squeezed.

10. Magnetic Balls or Shapes – Small magnetic pieces that can be joined to build shapes.

11. Water Bead Stress Balls – Squishy balls filled with water beads for a unique texture.

    
    

Movement-Based Fidgets

12. Fidget Rings – Spinner rings or rings with rolling beads for discreet fidgeting.

13. Fidget Bracelets – Wearable bands or bracelets with textures or beads to fiddle with.

14. Chair Bands – Elastic bands that stretch across chair legs to bounce or push with your feet.

15. Fidget Sticks – Small balance sticks that wobble for play.

    
    

Creative or DIY Fidgets

16. Pipe Cleaners – Bend and twist colorful pipe cleaners into shapes.

17. Velcro Strips – Stick Velcro strips to your desk or notebook for discreet tactile feedback.

18. Paperclips or Binder Clips – Open and close them to keep your hands busy.

19. Beaded Keychains – String beads onto wires or lanyards for a hands-on activity.

20. Rubber Bands – Stretch and twist them into different shapes.

    
    

Tips for Choosing a Fidget Toy

• Discreetness: Choose something quiet if you’re in class or a public setting.

• Sensory Need: Pick based on texture, movement, or sensory feedback you enjoy.

• Portability: Smaller toys are easier to carry and use anywhere.

Something to Consider

• Allow your child to help create their preferred list of fidgets to help them help themselves.

• When at all possible, have your child help when creating a fidget. This will help them become more invested in what the solution is to the problem.

• Create a space or designate a space that is specifically designed or purpose for their need to "ground" themselves.

• Practice calming techniques once a week. This will help them build their toolkit when they do not have access to what they would normally have at home.

• Possibly create a "Woo-Sah" to-go bag so they can have these tools to access outside of the home.